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May is such an eventful month, I don't even want to get into detail really about it.
As I'm approaching graduation, many lingering thoughts are constantly in my head, and yes the negative ones. I just feel for some reason I need a new beginning. Lately, I've been around so much negativity, that I can tell is just pulling me down, putting me in a big slump. For a girl with big dreams, I need every support I can get. I feel I've been under such a protective shield my whole life, that I may not ever get the fulfillment of making my own decisions devoid of asking someone if they agree.
I've prided myself with my parents approval my whole life, taking into consideration everything they told me, and did what they suggested me to do. But it just seems like right now I can do nothing right, and there's so turning back. I feel my relationships getting stretched too thinly, close relationships that I felt would be there for me forever. Who knew that some of my choices in college would affect my future with the people I care about the most. Am I wrong for following what I want sometimes, especially if I'm doing everything else right?
I have come to question myself as an individual. Of course I feel bad that I can't be the straight A student I was throughout my whole academic career. I remember when a C would make me cringe, and now a C is seen as a sigh of relief in passing my economic courses.
It's bad enough not getting into the college I always wanted to go to, but not even excelling in school was not something I thought I'd ever go through. School did involve a lot of hard work and dedication, but I never knew I'd be struggling to pass almost every course I enrolled myself into. Sure I could've changed my major to something simple, but I'm so close to graduating, I can taste it. Which is a bad thing because I have the worst case of Senioritis ever. Instead of being in the present, I find myself thinking about the future constantly. I'm so used to wanting to plan things and knowing what my future entails, instesad of it being up in the air.
Since my honeymoon in my personal relationships is not coming to a close, I have realized that I need to be independent, and not rely so much of other people. I could've have the great graduation gifts I was promised, but knowing for sure now that I will probably get none makes me realize I can wait and do things for myself. I always prided myself on accomplishing things on my own and that's what I can say college has done for me. I'm not the most responsible person, but I do learn from my mistakes and I take fault for my actions. I've learned the hard way that if I'm not on top of my stuff, things can turn out badly. Recently I paid a $40 late fee for my tutoring I had earlier this year, turning out to $100. And now I recently misplaced/lost my phone. Though I believe someone stole it from my bedroom.
Why are all these things happening to me to me right now, in the midst of me graduating, and needing to focus on my academics!!! I need money, but it's hard for me to work when I have all these classes and other things through the week. I feel like I always have to defend my actions, but why can't I just say something happened and not be criticized for it.
I Could Really Use a Wish Right Now...
Camille
So before I start with my topic, I have made a resolution to update my blog at LEAST ONCE A WEEK!!!
So as I'm approaching graduation, I still haven't secured a job out of college. I thought I would at least have some advantage due to an experienced resume, but obviously that's not the case. As I'm applying to countless jobs, there's always a hint of hope to expect some sort of reply back. But I've noticed that the advancement of technology is not always a good thing. Of course it's great being able to apply for numerous jobs at one time, but I feel there's no personal interaction between the person who would consider you for the actual position. That job is up to those at human resources who get to make the ultimate decision if your the right person in their terms.
Recently, I've become very intrigued in my Labor Economics course I'm taking this quarter. One topic we've covered is Discrimination in the Labor Market, one that I never though I'd go through. With numerous job submissions and no replies from any I'm interested in, I've begun to question my identity. Is my name too ethnic? Does my address signify I'm from a "ghetto" area? Is being a female not necessarily head strong enough to survive in a fast paced environment? Do all my qualifications suddenly become ignored because I don't have a personal reference "in the business"? Most of these things I have no control over, but the ones that really hit me or made me think a little more about things is from place of origin and my name given to me at birth.
First of all, I really like my name, it's very unique and fits me. The next thing is that I live in a pretty okay neighborhood, though my surroundings aren't ideal. A name and location should never put a hindrance to the chances of being considered for a job your well qualified.
This has had me questioning my future, once again I know. I'm ready to make a name for myself, but how can I when I'm not even getting a chance to be looked upon. It's a fact that 2/3 resumes are thrown away (not even considered) for any job. Am I another statistic? Even though the economy is still not in shape, I never once considered that I would have trouble finding a job. Reflecting back, it seemed that I got more job replies when I put my address in Irvine. Is it a coincidence? I don't know for sure, but these connections I'm putting together are not encouraging.
My journalism teacher even told me that 90% of the jobs he got was from someone he knew from that specific job. Why is there even higher education when in the end networking is what gets you places? I mean I'm not fortunate enough to know people in the media industry, but I know I have more than enough qualifications for any entry level job. If I can only get my foot in the door somehow, I'd take it and run with it...
Check out this article from my Labor Economics class to see where I got the idea for this blog from: https://eee.uci.edu/10s/62460/readings/bertrand_mullanaithan.pdf
You Just Do You, Imma Do Me,
Camille Mendez
